The first time I read “Footprints,” I bawled. It was so wonderful to think of a Higher Power carrying us through the troubled times. I assume everyone in the US has heard the story by now, but if not, here’s the Reader’s Digest version. This person is looking back on his life. The journey is depicted as footprints over the sand. The man sees two sets of footprints throughout his life except during the tough times. He assumed that he had been forsaken at those times and when he asked God, “Why did you forsake me during the lowest points of my life?” God replied “I was there; during those times I carried you.”Hardaholism is a mental disease supported by most people in this country. Hardaholics make life hard, suffer about it and believe that it will never change. The following story is another type of Footprints story. It is loosely based on a Hindu tale.
Once upon a time, a timid young man was afraid of his shadow and footprints. His fears continue until he feels like a madman. The constant fear takes its toll. He begins to emotionally deteriorate and is plagued with endless anxiety. Each fear-filled breath is forced. He loses sleep and in desperation, takes sleeping pills. The pills help for a few weeks, but soon he returns to his prison of sleeplessness. He is cantankerous and fatigued.
He discovers that drinking a few drinks at night, take the edge off his growing irritability. And as it always goes with alcohol, it begins to take larger amounts to numb his fright. He becomes a touchy alcoholic with a sleep disorder, who is still afraid of his shadow and footprints. When life becomes unbearable, he reaches out for help. His friends point him to recovery. He goes to a treatment center for his alcoholism and sleep disorder.
He kicks alcohol and begins to sleep. Hope gleams anew. His energy is no longer spent battling a daily hangover. He feels like a new man. He goes to workshops on self-esteem and works with a therapist who specialized in phobic responses. He walks on fire with Anthony Robbins, reads self-help books and has weekly massages, however fear of his shadow and footprints slowly resurface and eventually he falls off the wagon. He adds cocaine to his addictions.
Next he chooses the geographical cure. He runs away from his shadow and his footprints. Surely if he runs to a new town, his shadow and footprints will not follow. He runs top speed, but regardless of how fast he scurries, his footprints and shadow follow. His fear becomes excessive panic. He hops and skips from one side to the other trying to elude his persecutor. His shadow and footprints aren’t outfoxed by even the quickest of movements. Off he goes. He runs with wild abandon, neglecting his basic needs for food and rest.
At last, he gives up his addiction to alcohol and drugs. There is no time for them while on the run. And sometimes he forgets to turn around and look at his tormentors. At these times he enjoys the run and the thrill of the moment. He finds himself looking ahead more often. He pushes his fears deep-down, to a place he dares never to look. He never wants to feel the fear again.
He gets interested in power packed foods that help him with his running. He stops at night for sleep, but each new day he is up and running.
Eventually other runners follow him. He gains notoriety in his field. He appears swift and sure. He is featured in People, Time and Runners Magazine. People look up to him and begin practicing his methods of running. He writes on a book that becomes an overnight best seller.
Sometimes, when he slows down, something nags him. The feeling is vague, but familiar. He relieves the tension by running a little faster, harder and farther. Soon he is on the top of the world. He marries, has four beautiful children, who follow the family tradition. Each child becomes an expert runner.
One day, Mr. Success drops dead. His friends are astounded. His community mourns the death of a hero. The man was at the height of his career, the pinnacle of his success and now he is dead. How could this happen? He was a health buff. Why did this happen to such a nice guy who had so much to live for?
What happened? …Mr. Success made a fatal misjudgment. He believed that his problems were external. He searched for a remedy, to fix, change or solve the symptoms. He used drugs to numb out his awareness of the problem. The drugs then became a problem. He recovered from his addictions, but held the underlying fears. He tried to run away from his problem. The fear appeared to leave and his life was going well. He was financially successful. The process of running from his feelings caused stress on his body and he developed heart disease. Everyone thought he had a bad heart or that his time was over. No one suspected that his running away was the power behind his success and failure. He lived a life that looked great on the outside, but he was empty on the inside. He had not been able to turn inward for strength and faith. His pain and feelings of inadequacy stopped him from reaching his inner resources. His last failure was his death. He died before he had ever learned to live; he had only run from the pain.
This is the profile of a Hardaholic. He was afraid of the things that didn’t mean anything. He suffered useless agony over his footprints and his shadow. He was unable to deal with the real problems that blocked his true self because he didn’t have the courage to stop running. We have shadows. The shadow parts of the self are the parts we consider unlovable. As we move along the journey of self growth, we learn to come to terms with the less brilliant side of ourselves. Without withdrawing criticism for our faults and mistakes, life is a struggle.
Is there an easier way? Even though it seems hard to face our fears, it is easier than running from them. Many people spend their first forty years running, repressing, partying, sexing, overworking, achieving and drinking. When these behaviors can no longer cover the pain inside, they find themselves on the brink of suicide or in a severe depression. Men are particularly prone to this because they have been programmed to run for success. They have become success objects. Being a success in one’s career does not mean that he feels the success inside. Until one has the strength to deal with his negative self-image, no success feels satisfying. When the inner reality can no longer be silenced, the other world begins to crumble. This period of falling apart offers fertile ground for healing, but it feels like hell.
Some fears are helpful. When a bear runs toward us we need that extra shot of adrenalin so we can flee for our safety. In modern times our fears are generally psychologically based. We are seldom charged by tigers and lions and even if we fear attack from a robber or gang member, few of us have an actual encounter with a terrorist. I have faced an attacker, but only once in my life. All the other fears of attack were fear of what might happen rather than fear of what was occurring in the present.
Constant fear locks itself in the body and becomes armor. Armor does a good job of protecting us from harm, but it also keeps out the love. When armored, our hearts loose the ability to open up and experience the joy of our being.
John Bradshaw has been successful in popularizing Eric Berne’s theory of the inner child. This method allows the adult to get in touch with the feelings that have been repressed. Millions of people flock to group meetings such as co-dependency and Adult Children of Alcoholics, because their feelings are unthawing. As feelings unthaw, memories surface. That’s why so many people remember sexual abuse. Self-help meetings help people experience their feelings and express them in a healthy way. The tools of transformation have been powerful enough to birth our generation into a new awareness. Today’s self-help books, skilled therapists and transformational workshops offer a wide variety of healing opportunities. We are literally breaking the chains of our ancestor’s wounds and moving into a new age of psychological freedom.
The message for the EZosophist is clear. We are waking up and it is not as comfortable as we thought it would be. No one is going to rescue us or live our lives for us. Everyone is in the same boat, needing to complete the past, relinquish the pain of the family, and move on. We have to feel what we feel, we have to be clear about our abuses and we have to move on. Hardaholics stay stuck in problem identification. EZosophists learn from the pain and move on with their lives.
Excerpted from “EZosophy: The Art and Wisdom of EZ or at least Ezier Living.” © 2003 Easy Times Press Purchase at http://www.annegillis.com/Books-CDs-Etc.html#Books
